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How to Tell if Your Partner is Lying to You

How to Tell if Your Partner is Lying to You

It has been said that lying is a cooperative act, and never is that truer than when you find yourself in an intimate relationship with someone you suspect is lying to you.  It is natural to want to believe someone who has seen you at your most vulnerable, which is why it is so easy to resist the harsh reality that keeps presenting itself.  Relationship blinders definitely won’t help you in this case.  

There are few pills harder to swallow than realizing the person you love is someone you can’t trust.  If you believe you are being manipulated by your partner, there are several behaviors you will want to watch for as they attempt to weave their fabricated tales, so pay attention to the following signals:

Speaking formally or distantly

Speaking formally or distantly

Instead of saying “I didn’t” or “I haven’t”, liars will go the formal route with “I did not” or “I have not”.  Taking the pronoun “I” out of stories is a common move too, as is using stiff language that distances them from whatever they might be accused of.

Changing their tone of voice or having emotional outbursts

You know what your partner normally sounds like when speaking, which makes it easier for you to spot inconsistencies such as stuttering, pausing a lot, or changes in pitch or inflection.  Additionally, if they get defensive regarding certain topics, consider it a red flag.

Taking too long to answer you

Taking too long to answer you

When someone is telling the truth, they won’t have to spend much time thinking about their answers before blurting them out.  However, someone lying will carefully consider their answers before giving them to you.

Giving excessively long or complicated answers

Most of us don’t like lying, so stalling with “filler information” is a common way to put off the dreaded task.  Pay attention to whether your questions are being answered and if responses are consistent or mismatched.

Switching topics on you

A seasoned liar won’t just change the subject; they will direct the conversation to your supposed wrongdoings to throw you off course.

Giving details about irrelevant subjects

Giving details about irrelevant subjects

When someone wants to avoid the ugly truth, they might talk about unrelated topics that they can be honest about to try and distract you.  Or if they are fabricating an entire story, giving too much detail can signal they are desperate to seem believable.

Their body language doesn’t match what they’re telling you

If they shake their head no while answering yes (or vise versa) or smiling as they tell you they’re sorry, it’s likely something important in their story isn’t true.  Facial expressions and body language can say a lot.

Storming out or refusing to discuss a subject

Storming out or refusing to discuss a subject

When your sweetie claims to be so wildly offended when you suspect something bad of them that they refuse to dignify your accusation with a response, it’s a red flag that they would rather avoid the topic completely so they don’t have to lie.  Likewise, walking out during a talk signals they can’t face their own truth.

Going overboard with reassuring words and qualifiers

If you keep hearing them say “honestly”, “really” or “seriously” on the regular, or their favorite phrases become “as far as I can remember” or “to the best of my knowledge”, they’re doing their best to conceal something they don’t want you to know about.

If you feel like something isn’t right in your relationship, look to these clues for help and above all else, trust your gut instincts!